


Real Strength Means Not Letting Anyone Break You

by love_in_the_stars



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: M/M, Non-Graphic Rape, Only it's not actually a sex tape, Protective!Avengers, Sex Tape, Tony!Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-04
Updated: 2012-06-08
Packaged: 2017-11-06 19:07:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/422172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/love_in_the_stars/pseuds/love_in_the_stars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for a prompt at AvengerKink: <a href="http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/6021.html?thread=8407173#t8407173">HERE</a></p>
<p>Tony is drugged and raped and determined not to tell anyone. Only the rapist leaks photo stills of the video he made of the rape and everyone thinks it's just a sex tape and they're not happy with Tony.</p>
<p>Someone gets suspicious though and does some digging to learn the truth.</p>
<p>Then the Avengers are very not happy with the rapist and Steve has some special words for Tony.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Slightly different from what the prompter asked for but the idea is mostly the same.
> 
> Again, the warning here includes Rape/Non-con. It's non-graphic and no details will be given but does deal with the aftermath and should be considered a trigger warning.

[](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/6021.html?thread=8407173#t8407173)It happened at one of those mindless and generic galas that Tony had to attend to appease Pepper and SI but would rather have been in his dirty work clothes at the lab. It was going on his second straight hour surrounded by greasy men and bimbo women, very attractive women but still bimbos and that seemed to decrease their appeal. Tony intentionally ignored the notion lurking in the back of his mind that a certain moral and irritating blond captain was the cause behind his suddenly elevated tastes in bed partners. Quite frankly, he’d gotten sick of the gushing attention and coy touches and so excused himself to retreat to the bar and order a much needed drink.  
  
Just the one though because he was trying to work on the whole ‘get drunk at every opportunity’ stick. Yet another thing Tony’s subconscious blamed Rogers for. He’d barely gotten started on the glass when a man sidled up next to him and discreetly claimed his attention.  
  
“Hey.” The man said, all slick grin and bright eyes.  
  
“What’s up.” Tony gave in reply, studying his sudden company. The assessing look given to him in return along with the open gleam of hunger told Tony exactly what he was after and honestly, if he were at any other point in his life, he probably would have gone for it. As it was, Tony Stark was kinda hopelessly in love with another man so he wasn’t exactly feeling it right then. Given who he was, he didn’t bother with beating around the bush. “Before you waste your time with me, I’ll tell you right now that I’m off the market tonight. Sorry man.”  
  
The stranger’s eyes narrowed and stared at him a moment longer as if to ascertain how serious he was before nodded shortly. “Alright, well, at least I tried.”  
  
“Amen to that.” Tony said, giving him a smirk and a raise of his glass. The man laughed and tapped their glasses together before retreating and Tony turned back to the bar.   
  
Ten minutes later things started to go hazy, as if he’d drank about a bottle and plus of booze instead of the sedate glass he did, and everything after that was not worth remembering. Even if he still could.  
  
\---  
  
The morning after, when Tony’d taken care of his injuries to the best of his ability, he’d entered the kitchen with the sole intent of mainstreaming coffee until he was too wired to ever sleep again and instead found the team, minus Bruce and Thor, gathered there with various and interesting expressions. He almost faltered but only the certainty that they couldn’t possibly know kept him stable and his snark face firmly in place.  
  
“Okay, what’s with all these faces? Did Doom do something stupid again? Please tell me it’s not giant bunnies, I just don’t think I could handle giant bunny rabbits trying to destroy the world this morning.” He didn’t actually look at anyone, far too focused on getting to the coffee maker.  
  
“No bunnies.” Clint said with a snort. “As disturbing as that thought is along with the fact that you said it at all and probably just jinxed us.”  
  
Tony had something to counter that, really he did, but Natasha was quicker. “And the only one who did anything stupid was you.”  
  
“Well, I’m feeling the love this morning.” Tony muttered. “What did I do now?”  
  
“Jesus, Stark. How much did you drink last night that you don’t even remember the _sex tape_ you made with a mystery man.” Clint sounded amused more than anything but Tony was pretty sure his arc reactor had just stopped working. “But hey, at least that explains why you’re walking funny.”  
  
It took every ounce of self control he had to steady his hands and pull out the old playboy ‘no regrets’ mask before he turned around. “Well that’s a good question, Barton. You’ll have to ask someone who was there. Now come on, tell me how you all came to share that video?” And confuse it with a fucking sex tape, he wanted to snarl.  
  
Steve, red-faced and eyes averted, pointed at the TV sitting on the island counter, off now likely because the news stations had been replaying the story like a broken record. “It was, ah, pretty popular this morning. And it wasn’t a video, just some...pictures.”  
  
That explained why they thought it was a sex tape. Tony let some of his invisible tension melt away and shrugged. “Well, guess who’s not going to be talking to the press for about the next three weeks.” He said dryly.  
  
“No, instead you’ll let Pepper field the calls and rumors on this. Honestly, Stark, I thought you were over this phase.” Natasha’s words were cutting but nowhere near as murderous as the glare and Tony internally winced because she was right. Pepper hated dealing with the fallout from stuff like this and now she was stuck doing it again. Well, it wasn’t as though this was the first promise he’d ever broken.  
  
The air was getting a bit too heavy for him now and Steve hadn’t even looked at him, which said a lot because he was unfailing polite about things like that. Abruptly, Tony felt a wash of potent rage because he’d been trying, okay, to clean up his life. Then something like this happens and there went all his work like the effort meant nothing to anyone and fuck them if they couldn’t see the truth behind what they expected to see.   
  
Fuck every last one of them.  
  
“Well then, I guess that just goes to show that if you’re even the slightest bit surprised then perhaps someone needs to retake their profiling class, huh?” More of that anger must have leaked into his voice then he’d intended because Clint actually looked taken aback and Steve’s head jerked up to look at Tony while Natasha was as blank faced as ever.  
  
“Right. So, if those rabbits attack the city I’ll be in my lab.” Tony said, rolling his eyes with as much sarcastic attitude as he could muster, which was a lot, okay, he was a freaking pro at it, and took his coffee and escaped.  
  
\---  
  
Back in the safety of the lab, Tony ordered Jarvis to do a complete lock-out. “No one gets in unless I verbally allow it, understand?”  
  
“Yes, sir.” The AI’s voice was just somber enough to tell Tony that he’d already caught the same feed as the Avengers and probably did a lot more looking into it then them.   
  
“And black-out the windows.”  
  
Once he was as cut off as possible, Tony let out a huge breath and collapsed into a chair. His hands were shaking now around the hot mug and Tony just held on tight, lowering his head to hunch over.  
  
Jesus. What was he supposed to do? He couldn’t tell them the truth, no that wasn’t even an option. The most he _could_ do was act like a responsible adult for once and do some damage control. Apologize to Pepper, for starts, and the whole team probably. A sex tape, real or not, was extremely bad press for the Avengers. With some cajoling and promises of new tech he could probably bribe Fury into not booting him from the team.  
  
He was going to have to spend a long time making up for this.  
  
A nudge at his elbow got Tony’s head up to look at Dummy, who was the very picture of dejected robot as he held out one of Tony’s favorite wrenches. The gesture had Tony blinking back a tear or two as he took the tool and rubbed Dummy's 'hand' in that spot with the sensor. “Good boy.” He whispered and just sat there for a long time with the robot that had always been with him.  
  
Eventually, Jarvis spoke up. “Sir, Miss Potts is calling.”  
  
Tony left his hand on Dummy and mentally poked at his emotions to test if he was capable of talking to her yet. The answer to that was a resounding no. Pepper knew him far too well, if he said anything before gathering his defenses back together it was likely she would be able to get the truth from him. That was not happening.  
  
“Let her leave a message or ten.”  
  
Jarvis’ lack of response was tellingly disapproving but he knew it was only because the AI cared so Tony let it go.  
  
“I’m assuming you tracked down the origin of the news photos as well as the original recording?” He demanded suddenly, sitting up straighter and sliding his hand off Dummy.  
  
There was a moments delay before Jarvis’ affirmative and Tony waved a hand impatiently. “Well then play it.”  
  
“Sir, I don’t think-”  
  
“Just do it.”  
  
A halo-screen opened in front of Tony and the digital recording began to play. Most of the things it had to show him Tony already had at least a vague memory for but it certainly helped him put the pieces together much more reliably. Apparently the face fucking had happened before the actual fucking, which was good to know because he couldn’t remember the ordering and Tony hated disorganization.   
  
The visual was fine, he could handle that, it looked like a bad porno, really. The audio though, well, that was less fine.  
  
Despite popular belief, Tony Stark did in fact know the meaning of the word ‘no’. It just didn’t do him much good in this particular case. Still, he didn’t like listening to himself repeat it.  
  
“Mute.”  
  
Tony watched the video on repeat until he was quite certain he had everything memorized, forgetting was dangerous, he didn’t want to forget, he’d just learn to deal. Then he had it turned off and asked Jarvis to pull out the specs for the latest Iron Man suit and proceeded to spend the next nine hours working on just that.  
  
And if his skin shivered and crawled every now and then, well, cold chills were normal. Not anything to think about. He was fine.  
  
\---  
  
After the eighteenth missed call from Pepper, third ignored call from Natasha, one unreturned call from Clint and sixth ignored call and fourth ignored visit from Steve, Tony gave in and accepted a audio/visual link from Bruce.  
  
The air thin light screen appeared before his worktop and Tony waved a dirty screwdriver in greeting. After all, Bruce was his science bro and his lab partner, it would be rude to not be available if Bruce wanted to talk science.  
  
“Hey, Thumper.”  
  
“Tony.”  
  
Which he didn’t, of course.  
  
“That’s my name.”  
  
“So, uh, I’m not trying to nag or anything because I know how annoying that is.”  
  
Tony grinned.  
  
“But Pepper’s giving a whole new meaning to fiery red-head and the air of kicked puppy around Steve is just suffocating. Seriously, I had to run away back to my own lab just to escape it so I get why you’re down there but could you at least give me a time frame that I can pass on?”  
  
See? This is why Bruce was his favorite person. A man after his own heart. Still...  
  
“Did you see the photos?”  
  
A pause and Tony looked up to see Bruce studying him and he almost panicked because he’d forgotten, for one second that Bruce was a fucking scientist and he was smart, okay. If anyone could glue tiny, broken pieces together to make a fucking masterpiece it was Bruce Banner.  
  
“No. I wasn’t in the kitchen then. I don’t really care to look either, no offence. I like you and all but there are just some parts of you I don’t need to see.”  
  
Tony’s laugh then was part relief and part genuine amusement and he ended up grinning helplessly at Bruce, an expression that was mirrored. He still had to give an answer though and he just didn’t know. Then Tony nodded and waved a hand at Bruce, “tell them soon. I’m almost done here and starved anyway."  
  
“Okay. I’m on kitchen duty tonight, any requests?”  
  
Not really, Tony thought. He wasn’t actually hungry but it seemed like the right thing to say at the time. Still, he knew the correct answer to this was the same thing he’d say if it were a normal day and he were hungry. “Just the usual, Bruce. You know how much I swoon for the outlander food you whip up.”  
  
“Right, right, got it. Okay, don’t take too much longer then.”  
  
“Aye, aye.” Tony said, saluting Bruce before the screen darkened and vanished. Then he let his forehead hit the table and sighed. He wasn’t sure he was ready to face the team but he was out of time to be ready.  
  
Tony tinkered lightly for a bit longer, mostly preparing himself and pulling together the shields he’d need to get through the upcoming conversations. When he felt he could put it off no longer, Tony packed away what needed to be and had Jarvis save his work.  
  
And if there was the bitter taste of bile in his mouth by the time Tony lifted the black-out and opened the lab doors, well, that was no one’s business but his own.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. I can't believe all the support for this! With any luck the conclusion is everything you all were hoping for and thanks for reading!

When Tony entered the primary living room, he stopped short in the doorway because everyone from the team to Coulson was gathered there and not one of them had an expression on their faces that he was expecting. Steve looked a curious mix of heartbroken and sheer righteous anger, a look Tony’s never been faced with before and damn if it didn’t hurt to look at. Standing right beside him was Bruce, his eyes dark with something like understanding and pain with no small amount of rage himself, though well contained. Thor had a tight grip on his hammer and a clear desire to throw it at something stamped across his face. Clint seemed to be the same as always if not for the fact it was a clearly forced facade and Natasha was faring no better. Coulson was the one that Tony couldn’t read at all but then that was hardly new.   
  
“What, what? What’s with the looks? Is there something else I did you’re pissed off about and that I don’t remember?”   
  
“We know, Tony.” Steve said, his voice oddly choked and Tony only blinked at them, not daring to reveal his suddenly racing heart.   
  
“Know what?”   
  
“I won’t apologize, not for this. You were hiding something and clearly you weren’t alright. I had to know why.” Bruce said gently but firmly and Tony’s racing heart was quickly getting to dangerous levels because he just knew what Bruce was talking about.   
  
They saw the video.   
  
They _saw_ the video.   
  
In that moment he wished he’d taken the time to install the mansion with floors that would collapse and swallow him up on demand that way he could escape awkward moments like this. Tony straightened his spine and sneered. “And do you feel better now or did you get too much of an eyeful to handle? Maybe next time you’ll mind your own fucking business. Jarvis, consider yourself donated to nearest community college.”   
  
“Stop it, Tony!” Bruce said sharply. “It wasn’t like that and you know it.”   
  
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Steve asked, pleaded more like and fuck, what was he supposed to say? That he was embarrassed? He was Tony Stark and he didn’t _get_ embarrassed. That he was scared? Yeah, that was a brilliant plan, never mind that Tony would never admit fear unless pain of death and he was nowhere near death right now.   
  
Not yet anyway. If he kept up the asshole commentary he might be able to piss off one of them enough to kill him. That could work.   
  
“Why would I do that? So we could sit around and have a talk about emotions and how that makes me feel? Thanks but no thanks. It happened and it sucked but honestly, I don’t care, okay? So you all can put down your proverbial and literal arms and get out of my way because I’m seriously hungry.” He didn’t move though because they didn’t and they were literally between him and the kitchen, also Thor stood blocking the other door out and that wasn’t a pointed statement at all.   
  
“You don’t care?” Clint said, loudly disbelieving and Steve flinched as Bruce threw the archer a glare that went ignored. “You were raped and expect to just, what, forget about it?”   
  
“I’m aware, Clint, thank you. I was there after all and to answer your idiotic question, no. I don’t intend to forget. In fact, I watched the video enough times to memorize it specifically because forgetting is the exact worst thing I could do. You all seem to forget that I’m not an idiot.” Tony snorted and rolled his eyes.   
  
Steve made a wounded noise and took an aborted step toward him, as if deciding that was a bad idea and instead stared imploringly at him. The look made Tony’s stomach twist because the super soldier seemed so freaking _hurt_ and Tony just couldn’t figure out why.   
  
“What, huh? What exactly is it you guys want from me? If you’re expecting a breakdown with tears and horrible snotting then you’re about forty years too late.”   
  
“We just want you to be okay.” Steve said softly.   
  
“I am okay!” Tony snapped, raising his voice in frustration.    
  
“You locked yourself away from all of us, Tony! That is not what being okay entails!”   
  
“Well excuse me if I needed some time alone after realizing the pictures of my rape was released to the general public and everyone automatically assumed it was the result a fucking sex tape because apparently that’s just the kind of asshole move everyone expects from me! So yeah, Rogers, I needed a few hours.” His anger at the unfairness his life had taken on since yesterday was swiftly rising toward the surface and not even the guilty or surprised faces of his teammates could deter it. “And just for the record, spending time in the workshop _is_ my way of coping with life, it’s normal and something I _always_ do. If no one except Bruce has realized that by now then clearly none of you know me at all and I really don’t think any of you have the right to talk down to me. So either shut up and get out of my face or pack your things and get out of my Tower.”   
  
He ignored the dumbstruck and stricken expression on Steve’s face because he was literally at the end of his emotional rope and so fucking hungry all of the sudden that it was ridiculous. Tony just couldn’t deal with Steve right now, or any of them, really. Keeping his back straight he stalked passed Steve and Clint and Natasha and no one stopped him and _finally_ he made it to his own kitchen.   
  
He stood there, at the center of the spacious room and listened to the silence that followed him until Coulson’s tone finally caused action and even though he couldn’t hear the words, Tony knew he was taking control of his two agents and hopefully talking the others into giving him some space.   
  
Phil Coulson was a good man, for all that Tony teased and mocked him, he also genuinely liked him. The agent took no one’s shit, not even Tony’s, and always seemed to be able to read between the lines like no one else. It was admirable and everyday Tony spared a moment to thank whoever watched over Coulson, whether it be Lady Luck or an angel of Heaven, for not letting him die.   
  
After a moment it occurred to Tony that although he was hungry, he was terrible at the actual act of making food. He went back to the door and stuck his head out into the living room, where Coulson was talking to Clint, Natasha and Thor while Steve was clearly listening from his seat on the sofa. Bruce was the only one to make any outward appearance of having noticed him, though Tony was well aware the S.H.I.E.L.D agents had probably heard him coming or something, and met his eyes.   
  
Tony raised his eyebrows and jerked his head behind him, a beckoning gesture. Bruce shoved the glasses he’d been fiddling with into a pocket and headed for him, the motion grabbing Steve’s eyes from staring at the far wall and Tony ducked back into the kitchen before he could accidentally catch them.   
  
He paced around the dining table until Bruce stepped in then stopped and leaned against a chair. “I’m hungry.”   
  
“So you said.” Bruce responded, looking vaguely amused in a way that meant Tony had surprised him. “Did you still want the spiced pasta?”   
  
Tony waved a hand and nodded at the same time. “Whatever, you know what I like.”   
  
“Yeah.” Bruce went toward the fridge but stopped in front of Tony. “On one condition.”   
  
“What?” He asked, suspicious.   
  
Bruce poked him gently on the reactor. “You let me take a look at that broken or cracked rib and fix it after we eat.”   
  
It was useless to argue and Tony didn’t really want to anyway. “Sure.”   
  
Satisfied, the scientist continued his dinner preparations while Tony watched. After a while, he had to ask.   
  
“How’d you know?”   
  
“You hide it well but I played doctor in a third world country for about a year, I know these things.” Bruce answered absently as he shook a bit of some herb Tony didn’t reconize into the sauce pot.   
  
Tony debated on leaving it at that but at the same time...he wanted to know. “That’s not what I meant.”   
  
Bruce paused and carefully set the glass container of herb down and focused on stirring the sauce. “You weren’t drinking.”   
  
Tony blinked and frowned, not understanding, when Bruce went on.   
  
“That you were upset was obvious in the complete black-out of the lab but when we talked you weren’t drinking and clearly had not been. You always drink when you’re upset so whatever was wrong had to have been much worse then usual and I couldn’t figure it out. I asked Jarvis and since you never told him not to answer us he told me what happened.”   
  
They fell into a comfortable silence, despite the topic, while Tony thought about that and Bruce didn’t look at him, giving Tony his space.   
  
“He drugged me.” Tony said finally, the words dragging out slowly and reluctantly. “Drinking would have been...bad. That will probably come later, once I’m sure I’m clean.”   
  
Bruce made a noncommittal noise and said, “If you want a drinking buddy I’m game.”   
  
“You mean I finally get to see you drunk, Banner?” Tony asked with mock glee and a real smile.   
  
“Only you would find that interesting.”   
  
“Oh, that’s not true. I know for a fact Clint and Natasha have a bet going on over what kind of a drunk you are.” Tony said and Bruce shook his head, clearly rolling his eyes even if Tony couldn’t see them.   
  
In a calculated move, Tony gave up the pretense and pulled out the chair he was leaning on to gingerly sit down. While the incident the night before hadn’t left him anything more than sore below, the rib issue was a growing irritation. He didn’t quite trust taking a painkiller just yet but would probably be ready after eating. Until then he was stuck dealing with the pain and he hated it.   
  
Just as Bruce was finishing up, Coulson came in alone and Tony drew himself together but when no one else followed he looked at the agent curiously. Catching it, Phil quirked a wry and somewhat secretive smile. “Barton, Romanoff and Thor are out.”   
  
“Out.” Tony repeated flatly, suspiciously, but Phil only shrugged.   
  
“Out. They’ll be back.”   
  
He considered the look of rage in Thor and the unusual display of emotion in Clint and Natasha and realized Jarvis had mostly likely given out the information on his attacker. Tony was rather...okay with that, with letting them do what he couldn’t yet do himself. Besides, those three would do much better then anything he could come up with.    
  
He almost asked about Steve but caught himself because there was really only one place the soldier would be after a reveal like that. Tony scowled and wondered if maybe he was supposed to go offer an apology for threatening to kick everyone out because that _was_ a rather dick move. This was the team’s home now just as much as it was his, sometimes even more so considering how anything of value that he actually cared about was all kept isolated in his workshop.   
  
“Stop thinking so hard, Tony.” Bruce said lightly as he set a steaming plate in front of him.   
  
Reflexively, Tony winked. “Genius never stops.” He said and earned a snort from his lab buddy. Drawn by the smell of the food, Tony tucked in and almost didn’t notice Coulson turning down an offer for dinner from Bruce.   
  
“No, thank you. I’ve got to go get started on a three-way incident report.” He didn’t sound too put out though and Tony made an educated guess as to what that report was going to entail and just how much bullshit he’d have to spin so that certain Avengers would be cleared of any ‘unsavory’ incidents. Tony smirked at the thought and hid it behind another bite of spicy pasta while Bruce shrugged.   
  
Coulson paused in the doorway on his way out and turned to look at Tony. “And Stark? He’s not mad at you for whatever reason you’re thinking. In fact, he would have gone with them but he wanted to be here for you more.”   
  
Tony could only blink, at a loss over what he was supposed to say to that but then Coulson was gone before he had to say anything. He looked at Bruce but the scientist only shook his head and told him to finish eating.   
  
\---   
  
Once they had both ate and cleaned up, Bruce made good on Tony’s promise and ushered him down to the his lab where he did a full x-ray. Tony almost told him it was a wasted effort since that was the first thing he’d done when he got home but figured it was best if he just let Bruce do what he needed to do.   
  
“I realize you’re just humoring me but I want you to know that the next time you get hurt, whether in battle or because you’ve gone three days without sleep and tripped in your workshop, you come to me first off.” Bruce said, his voice firm and serious in a way the man rarely was, at least toward Tony. He’d announced that Tony had one cracked rib on the right side and heavy bruising on the other, which Tony had already known, and re-taped the binding despite the fact Tony was no green-thumb in personal first aid and had already done a passable job of it the first time around.    
  
Tony thought about arguing but only very briefly because there was a dark look in Bruce’s eyes when he forced Tony to look at him that the genius didn’t like seeing there. He wondered, faintly, how hard Bruce was fighting down the green tinged anger at this entire situation.   
  
“Okay.” Tony said, just loud enough to be heard, and Bruce studied him for a long moment before nodding.   
  
“Alright. Then you’re free to go. And remember what I said about being your drinking buddy.”   
  
Tony rolled his eyes but slid off the stool he was perched on and knocked the side of Bruce’s head gently with his knuckles. “Mother hen.”   
  
The crooked smile that gained him helped ease something in Tony’s chest and he grinned back before heading for the lab doors.   
  
“Tony.” Bruce’s voice stopped him and he looked over his shoulder with a raised brow. “Go talk to him.”   
  
There was no point in asking who ‘he’ was but Tony hesitated anyway, just for a moment, before nodding and letting the doors close behind him.   
  
\---   
  
A quick peek in the basement level gym confirmed Tony’s hypothesis as to where Steve had disappeared to. The soldier was quite determinately thrashing one of the specially reinforced sandbags and the force behind his hits wasn’t the only evidence of his anger tonight. Scattered across the floor were the busted remains of three other punching bags and Tony made a mental note to put together a few more replacements.   
  
Tony lingered in the doorway, struck with a reluctance to approach as he watched Steve attack and retreat and sweat. Eventually though, he forced himself forward, hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans. Steve must have sensed him nearing because he stopped putting as much force behind his blows before easing off entirely and just stood there, breathing heavily.   
  
“Hey.” Tony said lightly in lack of anything else.   
  
Steve nodded and started to unwind the wrappings around one hand and boy, wasn’t this just delightfully awkward. Hidden in his pockets, Tony’s nails cut into the flesh of his palm, the fleeting pain a welcome distraction while he cast about frantically for something, anything, to say. Just as Steve was starting on the other hand, Tony gave up and gathered the broken pieces of his bravery together to say, “I’m sorry.”   
  
Steve froze and finally looked at him but Tony was busy staring across the room.   
  
“I, uh, lost my temper and it wasn’t fair to you or anyone else. Neither was threatening to kick you guys out. I don’t really fancy you being mad at me because no one can do passive-aggressive as well as you and I just can’t fight something like that, it’s exhausting, seriously. So, uh, I’m sorry. Again.” He was very carefully _not_ looking at Steve, somewhat afraid of what was on the other’s face because honestly, he’d seen enough hurt expressions for one day.   
  
“Tony.” Steve said softly and yup, he even _sounded_ pained. “Do you really think that’s why I’m mad?”   
  
“What?” He looked over at Steve involuntarily but he was just looking at Tony with soft eyes and a sad twist to his mouth.   
  
“I’m not angry at you. Well, just a little bit but only because you didn’t tell me, anyone, what happened. I’m pissed off, Tony, because someone _hurt_ you. Okay?”   
  
The fact Steve swore and how it sounded coming out almost distracted Tony from what he was saying but not quite enough. Still, he was sort of confused and it must have shown because Steve sighed and dropped the last strands of tape to take a couple steps toward him and this time didn’t stop until he was close enough to touch even though he didn’t reach out. “Tony, I’m angry on your behalf. I’m frustrated that it happened and that I couldn’t stop it, that I wasn’t there when you needed me.”   
  
“That doesn’t make sense.” Tony said abruptly. “You couldn’t have know!”   
  
“I know that logically but it doesn’t help how I feel. Emotions aren’t rational, you know.”   
  
“They should be.” Tony muttered because maybe then he’d stop making such a mess of things all the time. Maybe then he’d be able to make a few equations to help balance out how he was supposed to behave in certain situations.    
  
“Stop doing that.” Steve said suddenly, forcefully, and Tony startled.   
  
“What?”   
  
“Thinking bad things about yourself. I hate that you do it and don’t see yourself the way the rest of us do. The way I do.”   
  
“I know what everyone thinks of me, Steve.” Tony snapped back because he was feeling unbalanced and couldn’t remember why he came down here in the first place if they were just going to fight again.   
  
He hated fighting with Steve, hadn’t he already mentioned that? The whole, ‘being in love with him’ thing just made everything harder.   
  
“And what about me? You think you know how I feel about you?”   
  
That brought Tony up short because Steve’s voice was strange, the intensity in his eyes too. It caused a sinking sensation in his gut because Tony really didn’t want to know what Steve thought of him. He’d rather have his fantasies then the cold hard truth, he didn’t _like_ the truth. That’s why he lied so much.   
  
“I’m sure you’re about to tell me.” He said with a sneer and Steve’s eyes narrowed.   
  
“Yeah, I am because I don’t think you’re understanding anything I’m saying.”   
  
Tony wanted to snap at him, retort that he was a fucking genius, remember, and that there was very little he didn’t understand but he couldn’t because Steve was grabbing him by the shirt, gently, and kissing him so carefully that Tony was almost certain he was hallucinating. Before he could gather himself together enough to take advantage of the moment, Steve let go and pulled away like he’d been burned, face horrified.   
  
“Oh shit, Tony, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean, I didn’t _think_ , are you okay?” He hovered like he was afraid to touch or get too close again, hands bracingly out between them and Tony was just so _confused_.   
  
Then it clicked, what had just happened, and Tony felt a strange mix of exasperated and elated. “I’m fine, Jesus, you don’t have to treat me like glass, Steve. You’re not him, I’m well aware of that.”   
  
Steve looked doubtful though and worried still and was also blushing just a bit. Tony blinked at him and slowly smirked, dropping his lashes to peer through them. “If you’re looking for the gold star in kissing that’s not going to cut it.”   
  
Before giving Steve any time to protest, Tony took that last step forward himself, put his hands on the blond’s chest and kissed him. This one was a _real_ kiss with some nibbling and tongue action that left Steve blushing red and Tony a bit hazy around the edges.   
  
“So, I think I’m starting to understand those feeling you were talking about.” Tony murmured against Steve’s mouth as he pressed his hand against the bulge straining the soldier’s sweatpants.   
  
“Then you know that I love you, right?” Steve said around the hitch in his breath at the touch as the words themselves warmed Tony straight to his core in that secret place behind his reactor.   
  
Tony nodded and licked along Steve’s smooth jaw instead of using his own words because he wasn’t quite ready to say it himself yet, not just yet. “I’ll tell you both of the things you want to know one of these days. I just can’t right now, not so soon.” He whispered and relished the way Steve’s grip on him tightened at the promise.   
  
“When you’re ready, not a moment before.” Steve vowed and pulled away to tuck his face into Tony’s neck and hug him tightly but not tight enough to make his ribs hurt worse. “But I need you to promise me something, Tony. Please.”   
  
Tony made a noise for him to go on, hands busy rubbing over the blond’s back.   
  
“Tell me, whenever you get hurt. Please. I don’t care what it is, just let me know?”   
  
Of all the things Steve could have demanded from him. Tony shifted himself even closer and nodded. “I already promised Bruce this too, I suppose doing the same for you is only fair.”   
  
Steve laughed quietly, breath fanning over the short hairs at the back of Tony’s neck and he shivered involuntarily. “C’mon.” Steve said. “You need to sleep.”   
  
“I’d rather not. Kinda have something better I’d like to do.” Tony said, bringing a hand around to press once more on Steve’s erection.   
  
Steve groaned but pulled away and kissed him quickly, not lingering in case he got sucked in again. “After. You need to get some sleep.”   
  
He was right, Tony knew it but he also knew there was no way he’d find it at all restful, not for a while. “Stay with me?” Tony asked instead of saying straight out that he was afraid of what he’d find if he closed his eyes for long enough. He’d memorized the video of what happened but the mind was a tricky beast and his more than most. It would twist things and he knew the nightmares would not be mollified the way a sedative had subdued him.    
  
“Of course.” Steve said and Tony allowed himself a fraction of relief because if he was honest with himself, in that way he so hated, he wasn’t okay. He wasn’t fine. He even suspected that drinking event was still going to happen because that was how he coped, wasn’t it? Steve would help make things better but everything worth doing was a process.    
  
Getting to be fine, being okay, it wasn’t something that was going to happen tonight or tomorrow night or even weeks from now but it _would_ happen. Tony was a stubborn bastard and that was doubled with an equally stubborn Steve at his side. Combine that with a team that always had their backs; Bruce and Clint and Natasha and even Coulson and well, Tony had no other choice.   
  
He’d get better again and overcome all of it because they would make him, it was what family did. Failure in this was not an option and Tony was perfectly okay with that.


End file.
